A-Z OF JEWISH VALUES -

G FOR GENERATIVITY

PESACH – BRINGING TOGETHER THE GENERATIONS

To get a promotion to the top job at age 70-something is quite remarkable! Popes, like good wine, it seems, improve with age. When I met the last Pope in Manchester 23 years ago he had been in office only about 5 years and was already over 60.

Some religions are Patriarchal. Which means that the elders have complete authority. You might get that kind of feel about the Seder. Grandpa at the top of the table. But that’s not the whole picture. There is supposed to be a strong involvement of everyone present.

The Chief Rabbi (who you might think of as a kind of patriarch, though he isn’t) made an interesting point in his Thought for the Day this week He said ‘we can't begin telling the story until a child, or the youngest person present, asks a question. He added ‘My earliest memories go back to those evenings when we sat around the table in my grandparents house and it was my turn to ask Mah nishtanah, Why is this night different? For that moment, though I was only three or four at the time, all eyes turned to me.

What a gift that was: of memory and identity, the gift of knowing that you are a part of a story that goes back to the mists of time. It was as if someone had given me a book with a hundred chapters, each in a different handwriting, and said: each of those chapters was written by one of your ancestors and soon the time will come when you will write your own’.

So (although Jonathan Sacks did not say this it means) the direction of the seder is not top down, but potentially, the reverse.

Kiddush is usually led by what some old haggadot call the ‘celebrant’. In Reform households dinging kiddush together sets the scene for most of the Haggadah to be shared rather than whole thing to be done by one senior person and God forbid, rattled through in Hebrew, rather than some of it in English.

Full involvement is of the essence. Doesn’t it say ‘ bechol dor vador… in every generation everyone should look upon himself as if he or she personally had been brought out of Egypt’ ?

Remember this year, since it is Saturday night, after the kiddush we add the havdalah prayer for the conclusion of Shabbat, which is said over the Yom Tov candles instead of the weekly twisted candle. Now here’s something interesting.

Havdalah unfortunately lapsed in most Jewish households, even quite traditional ones. It has been brought back mostly by the members of our youth groups (like RSY) who learn it at camps. That’s a complete reversal of patriarchal Judaism. The same might go for many of the songs.

The celebrant –on his own- washes his hands, but the karpas, the green vegetable which comes next is one of those things which has been given multiple meanings, Spring, the hyssop used to daub the blood over the lintels for the Angel of Death to pass over, an hors d’oeuvres which in Roman times only the free people would have, not slaves. The more explanations the more scope for discussion – and again the curiosity of the young is stimulated.

The breaking of the matzah- half is kept to be eaten, half is hidden to be searched for by young children, and if found, ransomed for a gift. It’s the larger half that is hidden for the Afikoman. The Afikoman coming at the end of the Seder represents the future, as do the children – they have the larger part of their lives to look forward to.

When we come to the main section of the Haggadah, the telling of the story, here’s scope for the widest possible involvement.

In the Haggadah itself there is a lively discussion across the generations. Rabbis differ between themselves over the number of miracles at the Red Sea. The Haggadah is a conversation stretching over many centuries. No one dictates to another. We can add to it. Our own and our family stories.

There’s a famous passage where Rabbi Elazar ben Azariah says behold I am like a man of 70 years; he was in fact only 18 when he was elected head of the academy. It is said that when he looked in the mirror that morning 18 strands of his beard had turned white overnight. So he said ‘behold I am like a man of 70…’

He took over from Rabban Gamliel who was deposed because he became too dictatorial. Every other candidate for the leadership had something against him. One was too wealthy another had too noble a family pedigree… To save any suggestion of powers Elazar won the day. Can you imagine a Pope or a Chief Rabbi in his late teens? Can you imagine anyone in their teens wanting the job?

Pesach is the family festival. Not just for being together, but for celebrating continuity from one generation to the next. It would be nice to think that the festival creates unity in the family. When it comes to family tensions, I doubt that you could find an occasion more likely to increase friction between people. The inbuilt stressor factors in Pesach, from the frenetic preparations to the mere fact that everyone is thrown together by high expectations of family solidarity is hardly a calming influence.

But that’s of the nature of it – that is reflected too in the Haggadah with the 4 sons/ better –four children.

Nevertheless this Shabbat, Shabbat Hagadol, upholds the ideal:

Our haftarah: I will turn the heart of the fathers/parents to the children and the heart of the children to the fathers…..

A great deal of emphasis is placed on the participation of youth. And it’s important to have all generations present.

The value I’m describing, of passing on values has been given a name: Generativity.

It was called that by the psychoanalyst Erik Erikson, the guru of lifecycle psychology.

Interesting name he had. Erik Erikson's biological father, who was Danish, had left his wife before Erikson was born. His mother re-married a Jew. He was adopted by his Jewish stepfather, and was given the name Erik Homberger. But because of his blond-and-blue-eyed Nordic look, Erikson was rejected by his Jewish acquaintances. At school, on the other hand, he was teased for being Jewish! He felt, not unnaturally, that he did not fit in he didn’t belong with either culture. And so Erikson's identity crises began at an early age. He called himself Erik Erikson. Erik son of Erik, to show he was his own person.

Generativity – the need to pass something on, he observed, is typical of middle adulthood. I like how he defines middle adulthood.It begins somewhere between the late 20s to early 40s and continues until about age 50 to 65. It’s not an age but a stage.

Every life –cycle stage characteristic has its opposite with which it is in conflict. The opposite of Generativity is what Erikson calls stagnation (or self-absorption).

Generativity is an adult's ability to look outside themselves and care for others. It is a concern for the next generation.

If you don’t think you are at this stage you might be interested to know that the previous stage, young adulthood is typified by the characteristic of intimacy as against isolation, It is or seeking to find and express love, and Generativity is an extension of that.

And if you think you are past the middle adult stage (I was careful not to say past it) the next stage, mature age is typified by integrity versus despair.

That means coming to accept one's whole life and reflecting on it in a positive manner, fully accepting yourself without fear of the future. It flows out of generativity – being content with what you’ve passed on – whether it is accepted or not is immaterial.

This is the point. It is being said that the new Pope’s policy is highly orthodox because he and the type of people who elected him believe that is the answer to secularism and the decline the Church is suffering in Europe especially. So never mind AIDS in Africa, or women anywhere or homosexuals who crave spirituality and acceptance. Pull up the drawbridge!

A young-minded leader – and there is no reason to believe a 71 year old shouldn’t be young minded, who is still in the Generativity stage, or even an old-minded one who never lost it – would be concerned with giving care to others.

He/she might not agree with what others are doing; it may go against their values – but will be accepting and ready to see change for the sake of progress.

The opposite of Generativity is stagnation, and self-absorption. Our chevrah here shows great signs of Generativity. We are generating new fresh ideas and carrying them out. The Living Judaism initiative is one; children’s services like today’s downstairs, family services – we like to see all ages taking part in here, rather like at the Seder. It works in quite a unique way.

We’ve now got a small post-Bar/Bat mitzvah discussion group for the first time in 3 decades. ( I’m pleased that the class is here now and taking part in the Aliyot) Your teacher rightly gives all credit to you.

I want everyone to know that a few weeks ago our post barmitzvah group asked if the age of synagogue membership could be lowered to 14 so that they could vote in the next EGM (now fixed for 2 weeks tomorrow May 8^th ), for women to carry the Torah scrolls, that’s to say not just their mothers but the girls themselves once they are batmitzvah. You don’t unfortunately have a vote so I want to offer you my support.

I believe our Executive are right in agreeing with you and proposing we change our rule. We’ve had stagnation for too long on this.

At the Seder we celebrate the passing on of our values. We celebrate the moving on through history with all the development that has brought in Judaism. Let’s pay heed to the rallying cry of the Prophet Malachi in the Haftarah of Shabbat Hagadol, that the heart of the parents be turned to the children and the heart of the children to the parents, so that we all go forward into the future with one common resolve to strengthen the Jewish lives of everyone around us.